Bills vs Panthers Week 7

Final Score Bills - 20 Panthers - 9

Two weeks ago I thought the Bills would be finishing the season 2-14 with a top 5 draft pick in hand. Now, it looks like another 7-9 season, oh boy. If past history is indication the Bills will get to .500 at some point in the season and once again they’ll tease us Bills fans. They’ll trick us into thinking that maybe, just maybe the team is good enough to steal the 6^th playoff seed and lose a wildcard game.

The Good

Jarius Byrd nabbed two interceptions for the second game in a row. He has 5 on the season, good for second most in the NFL so far this year. Byrd is slowly building a case for defensive rookie of the year.

The Bills defense was stingy on points for the third game in a row. In the past three games they’ve allowed 28 total points. If the Bills offense ever decides to start scoring points and sustaining drives the Bills could quickly become a dangerous team.

The Bad

Guess what’s still bad? The offense (shocking I know). Blah blah, the offensive line still can’t run block. Blah blah the Quarterback still sucks. The current problems the Bills have are the same problems they had in 2008, 2007, 2006, 2005 etcetera. Same old, same old.

Terrell Owens has yet to do anything of note outside of the Tampa Bay game. He drops passes that hit him on the hands, he doesn’t adjust to the ball, he doesn’t fight for balls. Come on Terrell, you’re only on the Bills for a year, unless you start showing some effort you’re going to wind up in the CFL next year, or worse; on the Raiders.

The Sabres

The good team from Buffalo finished their trip to America’s wang (Florida) with a pair of balls, I mean wins. (Penis humor is the highest form of humor). The overtime win in Tampa Bay was especially exciting, a tying goal with less than 20 seconds left in the game, and then the winning shootout goal coming from the other hot rookie in Buffalo Tyler Myer. There is no way Myer is getting sent back to the junior league. If he is, the Fire Dick Jauron billboard will be replaced with a Fire Darcy Regier.

Bills vs Jets Week 6

Final Score Bills - 16 Jets - 13

Well that was fun. It was one of the ugliest wins in recent Bills history but a win still feels better than a loss. Do the Bills still need a new coach, a new quarterback, improved run defense and a new right tackle? Yes, but its still better to have those problems and win than to have those problems and lose.

The Good

It looks like the Bills nailed a draft pick with Jairus Byrd the rookie free safety. Byrd was brought to the Bills to be a ball hawk (durr hurr Byrd is a ball hawk), and he has 3 interceptions in the past 2 games. Not too shabby.

The Bad

The Bills run defense allowed over 300 yards on the ground alone. The last time a team allowed that many running yards and still won was in 1944. We were still fighting World War 2 for all you history buffs out there.

I know this isn’t a news flash or anything but Trent Edwards is officially injury-prone. He has yet to play an NFL season without missing some games. Trent is making Chad Pennington look like a tough guy.

On a related note a handful of Bill fans were calling on 2^nd string QB Ryan Fitzpatrick to start in place of Edwards. Well we’ve seen what that looks like; not much different than Edwards. Once again its time for the Bills to look for a new Quarterback. Instead of drafting one I wonder if the Bills would better off stealing a Quarterback from the CFL. He’d already be developed and we know he’d be able to play in the cold. The last time the Bills tried this was with Doug Flute it worked out fairly well, and would have worked out better had Wade Phillips not mismanaged Flute and Rob Johnson.

Some other games

Fuck Tom Brady and the New England Tom Bradys. What a bunch of assholes running up the score 59 to 0. You can’t call off dogs when you’re up 30 to 0? Please football gods, punish the New England Tom Bradys again for their out of control fuckary.

The Raiders beat the Eagles? How many human sacrifices to the Dark Lord Morlock were made to make than happen?

The Sabres

On Friday the Sabres and Islanders matched the score of the Bills-Browns game last Sunday, Except this time the team from Buffalo came out on top 6 to 3. Just throwing that out there.

Against Atlanta on Saturday the Sabres mailed a game in. They put Lalime in net which is like spotting the opposing team a goal before the puck even drops. While watching the game I was ready to put all the blame on Lalime for the lose, but after watching a few replays its clear the defense didn’t do Lalime any favors. At least 2 of the Thrashers 4 goals were pretty much unstoppable. Ryan Miller might have stolen 1 or 2 of the other goals but still, you can’t leave your goalie out to dry like the Sabres did on Saturday.

Bills vs Browns Week 5

Final Score Bills – 3 Browns – 6

Two passes for 23 yards.

That’s all it takes to beat the Bills these days. This game was comically bad, in the same vein as Battlefield Earth. Watching this game reminded me of The Mighty Ducks and the assorted copy cat films. In the beginning of those movies the protagonist teams miss passes, run into walls and hold their equipment together with duct tape. That’s what I thought of watching the Bills and Browns. A bunch of 12 year olds running to walls with duct tape stuck to their asses.

I’ve been watching football for over 20 years and while I can’t remember too many games from when I was 7 years old. I also can’t remember seeing such a poor performance by both teams

The Good

Umm…it’s not exactly good, but it was kinda funny the second time the Bills got a false start penalty from their own one yard line and the refs had to move the ball back 18 inches.

The Bad

This Bills team continues to raise the inaptitude bar. How will they top themselves next week? Short of Buffalo center Geoff Hangartner lining up backwards and snapping the ball to the Jets’ defensive tackle I can’t think of another way.

I watched this game in a bar in Baltimore and traveled back to New York City as soon as the game was over, a 3 ½ hour trip. When I got home I checked ESPN and saw that Jauron wasn’t fired yet. What is taking so long?

In 5 weeks the Bills have lost 3 middle linebackers. Spinal Tap drummers have a longer life expectancy.

While it’s lazy to finish this section off by writing that the entire team sucks, it’s still true. The Bills flat out suck. This is worst team I can remember the Bills fielding. Even the Rob Johnson days were better.

Some other games

It’s the end of week 5 and I’ve already turned to the Sabres for my Buffalo sports fix. 3 games into the season and they’ve got 5 of the available 6 points. The team seems to believe in their coach and their system. Ryan Miller is robbing the opposing team of goals left and right, and the team is pointing a somewhat impressive number of shots on net.

What is up with the Bengals? They’re leading their division and have beaten each team in their division once already. There’s a good chance either the Steelers or Ravens will miss the playoffs this year courtesy of a team that was 4 and 11 last year.

Bills vs Dolphins Week 4

Final Score Bills 10 – Dolphins 38

The amazing non-scoring offense of Buffalo continued its national circus tour this week with an utterly pathetic effort against the dreaded Dolphins. On a side note I prefer the Bills lose like this rather than lose like they did in New England. Against the Tom Bradys The Bills fought hard, played well and played with heart, and as a fan I got wrapped up emotionally seeing that effort, so it was much more crushing to see them come up short. Against the Dolphins, The Bills played like they didn’t care if they won or lost, therefore I didn’t care if they won or lost either.

The Good

Buffalo returned kickoffs well.

The Bad

Where do I even start? The offensive line handled the Miami defense the same way a white picket fence handles and oncoming tank. They didn’t run block, they didn’t pass block, they didn’t even earn their plane tickets out of Miami let alone their paycheck this week.

Trent Edwards looked flat out awful and threw 3 interceptions. Its hard to blame him, just about anyone would look bad playing behind that offensive line. Still, I’ll be surprised if Edwards is the Bills starting quarterback next year. The search for Jim Kelly’s replacement has entered year 13.

The Buffalo run defense was completely demolished. They allowed 250 running yards. If a defense gives up half that number it’s considered a bad day.

Dick Jauron

Jauron gets his own section this week because he was too terrible to go in The Bad section. The question with Jauron has become if - not when will he be fired. Nothing short of a playoff spot this year could save his job, and as it stands now, he’ll be lucky to win 4 more games. There are 3 superior coaches without a team right now. Marty Schottenheimer, Bill Cowher, and Jon Gruden. Any one of these three stands a good chance of turning the team around. Of the three I think Jon Gruden is the likeliest choice. He’s familiar with the style of defense the Bills run and he’s likely to be the cheapest, which will appeal to Ralph Wilson the most.

Bobby April the Bills special teams coach another likely candidate. If Jauron gets fired midseason (if it happens, it’ll happen in the bi-week) Bobby April takes over. If Jauron doesn’t get fired until the end of the season, April’s chances at becomes head coach diminish.

I’m not sold on the idea of April as head coach. I’ve seen enough of coordinators getting their first coaching job with the Bills. The last thing we need is another Greg Williams or Mike Mularkey.

On a final note the Sabres lost their first game of the season in overtime. But at least the Sabres made it to overtime. The Bills didn’t even make it to the second half this week.