Bills vs Saints Week 3

Final Score Bills - 7 Saints - 27

Ah yes, there's the Bills offense we saw in the preseason. The one that can't score to save the life of a single puppy. After 2 decent performances in 2 weeks the Bills offense tripped and broke their collective balls.

The Good

Every loss brings us one step closure to the end of the Jauron era.

The defense held what was the most prolific offense this year in check for 3 ½ quarters. If the offense at any point during the game had quit playing grab-ass the Bills would have had a real shot at winning.

The Bad

Ok this section is going to be long.

Punting on 4^th and 1 down 17-7 with 7 minutes left in the game, this has to be at the top of the list. What a gutless call. By punting Jauron is basically throw up his hands and saying “fuck it”. By punting Jauron is telling both the Bills and the Saints “I give up” Does Marv Levy, Bill Cowher, Bill Parcells or Bill Belichick make that same call? No chance. (Hmm it seems having the name Bill makes you a good coach, the Bills need a Bill).

Fred Jackson, Lee Evans and Terrell Owens. The three major offensive weapons the Bills have. Between the three of them they put up 118 total yards. That is a grim statistic.

The Bills offense was 2 for 14 on 3^rd downs and did not make it inside the red zone once the whole game.

The Bills were penalized 12 times for 116 yards. 2 yards less that Jackson Evans and Owens gained.

The offense line, which looked good especially because of it inexperience was exposed this game. They couldn’t run block, they couldn’t pass block. If I’m a single guy hitting the bars, I’m bringing a Buffalo offensive lineman as my wingman because he probably can’t cock block either. To top it all off, the center snapped the ball at Edwards feet three times in a row.

Next week the Bills play a 0-3 Miami team which could easily be 2-1. This is a must win game for the Bills so I expect the worse. Excuse me now, I’m going to go mix medication in an effort to wash the bad taste of this game from my mouth. It might work, and I might wake up 3 days later with no pants on the streets of an unrecognizable city. Either way it’ll be better than having to sit through another game like this.

Bills vs Buccaneers - Week 2

Final Score Bills - 33 Buccaneers - 20

Week 2 and the Bills beat a team they were supposed to beat. That said, I was glad to see the Bills come out and perform relatively well after losing in the final minutes to the New England Tom Bradys. The Bills could have easily rolled over and died after that Monday Night game. Instead they came out firing and put up 17 points (7 of which came from a defensive touchdown) before the 1st quarter was over. Despite the performance drop off in the 2nd and 3rd quarter. The Bills had the game in the bag at the end of the 1st and were on cleanup duty for the rest of the game.

The Good

The No Huddle offense is still a work in progress, but it continues to show flashes. The offense slowed down during the middle of the game but played well enough in the 4th to put the game out of reach for Tampa Bay.

Fred Jackson, you may have just run Marshawn Lynch down to the second spot on the depth chart. 163 yards on the ground and another 25 through the air. Jackson is money. Give the Bills front office a pat on the back for signing Fred to a decent contact in the off-season.

The offense line, dare I say it looks average. It is not a worst in the league as some experts were predicting. It is not the 5 man grab-ass club I saw in preseason. This O-line is decidedly average. Which, I think is high praise for 2 rookies, a 2nd stringer from another team and a 7th round draft pick who didn’t even play football a few years ago.

During the preseason I thought I was seeing phantoms. I might be going crazy. I was seeing something I haven’t seen in a long time. The Bills defense was defending the run well. Here we are two games into the season and the Bills are still defending the run well. Hmm, maybe crazy isn’t so bad.

The Bad

Injuries continue to hit the Bills hard. Leodis “The Fumble” McKelvin went down at some point. I must have been getting another beer at the time because I missed what happened. Brad Butler, the Bills’ right tackle limped to the sidelines and Derek Schouman, who let the Bills in receiving was carted off with a busted knee.

The Bills continue to shit the bed in the red zone. The offense took 3 trips inside the 20 and came away with 3 field goals and a fumble. Their two touchdowns came from nicely thrown long balls to Evans and Owens. I know I just got done humping Fred Jackson, but I think the Bills red zone efficiency will improve once Marshawn Lynch is back. A handoff to Lynch is almost a sure thing inside the 10. Especially if the offensive line continues to improve.

Owens

Its funny. I hated Owens least year. He was a loudmouth ass-hat from the fucking Cowboys, the biggest ass-hat team in the whole league. Yet this year I’m glad to have him on my team. Suddenly I love his passion and his fire. I hope his swagger and will to win rubs off in the locker room. I guess this, more than anything is prove that I’m a Bills homer.

Some of the Other Games

I was torn watching the Jets - Tom Bradys game. On one hand its always a pleasure to watch Tom Brady and the New England Tom Bradys lose. On the flip side, the Jets defense looks hard as a rock, and Sanchez doesn’t look he’s going to be too much of a fuckup either. It could get very ugly when the Bills go head to head with them.

I feel for Steelers fans. It really sucks ass when your return man fumbles away a chance to win the game. Shit, I’m still not over the Monday Night game.

Both the Rams and Redskins are doomed. The final score was 7-9. 7-9 is not a football score, 7-9 is an out of control hockey or baseball score. For putting up such a boring game I hereby damn both teams to 7 and 9 records. Rams and Skins fans, you are all doomed! DOOOMED!.

Bills vs Patriots Week 1

Final Score Bills – 24 Patriots - 25

3 Monday night games in 3 years. And 3 hard fought yet supremely heartbreaking losses. 3 losses in which the Bills weren’t even beaten by the other team but beaten by themselves. In this case, an inexcusable fumble by Leodis McKevlin, a last minute collapse by a defense that otherwise looked solid and a ramshackle offensive line at held up much better than I expected until the last 40 seconds of the game. Celino and Barnes could probably successful sue the Bills for mental and emotional damages on behalf of Bills fans everywhere at this point.

The Good

The good news is that Bills, for the first time in years, proved that they are up to the task of beating the Patriots on of the best teams of the decade and, the key to making it make into the playoffs.

The no huddle offense looks much better than it did in the preseason. This comes with game planning and I hope better play calling by Alex Van Pelt. Van Pelt, the former Bills quarterback was one of those smart players who almost always knew where to go with the ball and how to attack a defense. He wasn’t a success in the league because he lacked the physical tools to make the tough throws you need to make in the NFL. It’s hard to judge after one game but with Van Pelt calling the plays the offense looks serviceable.

The pass rush looks to be much improved. They were able to get pressure on Brady (the key to beating that supermodel fucker) is to hit him early and often. Sadly, when the Bills needed a drive killing sack in the final minutes of the fourth quarter, they couldn’t come up with it.

The Bad

Special Teams, the one thing the Bills have been constantly good at for years, looked terrible. Two fumbles on kickoff returned, (one of which almost certainly lost the game for the Bills) poor return coverage and below average punting.

Can the Bills please, please, please not play their cornerbacks 10 yards off the receivers? Especially when all Brady wants and needs to do to win is toss 8 yard hook and slant routes to drive down the field and win?

The Bills receivers had a number of drops, most of which seemed to come on 3rd downs. Convert those downs and the game could have ended very differently

The Patriot Fans

I really hate Patriot fans. A lot of them are fair weather fans that probably couldn’t tell you who played quarterback for the Patriots before Bledsoe. Early in the first quarter when the Bills were up 7-0 the ESPN camera panned over the stands and every fan had a sourpuss face like they were down 21-0 and the schoolyard bully just stole their bag of gummy worms. Get over it you pussies. God I wish the Bills had won that game. The Bills fans would have appreciated the win 10 times as much.

The Announcers

I’m thinking of becoming an ESPN announcer and I’ve been practicing my chatter. Tell me what you think:

Me - “Oh my GOD Tom Brady is a sexy slice of man-beef. Just looking at him sets my loins aquiver. Oh man, did you see him throw a 4 yard pass, I think my nipples are getting hard. I don’t know about you Ron but after this game I plan on hiding in the bushes behind Tom Brady’s house and touching myself”

Ron – “I’ll make you a deal, why don’t with both go hide behind the bushes. We can both wear Tom Brady jerseys and cup each others balls”

Me – “ I like your thinking”

This is the upcoming season in a picture.

The Bills have fired their offensive coordinator 10 days before the season opener with the Patriots* A move like this does not bode well. This season has long and painful written all over it.

In my very first post I said that Bills fans might need to stock up on Labatt Blue to make it through the season. Well today the Bills removed any ambiguity. If you're a Bills fan, you WILL need booze to make it through the season. If you play your cards right, by December, your liver will be broken but your heart won't be. Remember, there's nothing like a depressant to chase the blues away.